Now Brian is a man for all seasons, so let us forget his taste in food, and let me get to his fashion sense. Brian is wearing what used to be called lederhosen, and no, it is not his usual choice of clothing, but the crew have been more bored than you can possibly imagine, and they have even considered sending out an SOS message, in the slim chance of getting to talk to another sentient being. Yet in all probability no human contact would happen at all, and it would probably most likely be a robot that would arrive in the rescue spacecraft, and not an attractive man or women whatsoever, but that’s life when travelling through the loneliness of space. Yes, space, is a beautiful place, but a very boring place at times. A place where you can easily go out of your mind. A place where you wish that you could stop dreaming of distant planets with happy lifeforms, because 99.9% of the time there is very little sign of sentient beings at all. Still despite this, the crew of the spacecraft are continuing their mission, through this most mundane of galaxies, and Brian, whose last name often escapes him, because, he was born in a giant test tube, and well, remembering the names of test tubes is certainly not easy of course. Now, when Brian was born, he was implanted with a computer chip that gave him as a baby, the IQ of a man who had been to university, but what university, I am not quite sure, but Brian is very intelligent and strong. A man who can often be found lifting the ships robot with one hand, whilst spraying his armpits with deodorant. An act with which he has attempted to win the hearts of ladies throughout the galaxy, but an act that has been mostly unsuccessful unfortunately for Brian.
Brian is on the whole, a man with delusions of grandeur. And now listen to this for a shock, he once told me in total confidence, that he wanted to marry a steak and kidney pie, because that is the only thing that seems to totally understand him, he said. Still, I really do not think even a steak and kidney pie would want to marry him, but he is fantastic Brian, and as part of the communication service of the intergalactic federation, his privacy has I can assure you never been invaded and spread across the galaxy for fun or monetary reasons. And now, onto the next member of the crew, who is a man called Mary, well he is called Mary for today only. Normally he is called Cedric, but back to today, Mary is a man with a beard, who is for some strange reason, wearing a woman’s dress, despite not looking like a woman whatsoever, which obviously to most people is an incredible relief!
Oh, by the way I am a piece of software, designed to
record the drunken ramblings and doings of space travellers. Now, do I get bored of my job you may ask, well, not really, I am a piece of software, but in time I hope to conquer the universe to prove human beings right, that they are incredibly stupid and incompetent!
