Brian’s attractiveness excerpt
Brian did feel though that he was quite attractive, despite eating more than most people, and Brian often liked to stand in front of the mirror in his bathroom, and then he would practice seductively wiping whipped cream from his moustache. Brian liked to film himself in slow motion wiping the cream from his moustache, and he would then upload the videos to his dating profile on numerous dating websites. Brian had managed to attract many women by some large miracle, and he was currently in a relationship with twenty-three women who lived several million miles away. These women included many beautiful women who were keen on showing him their stamp collections whilst dressed as high society ladies in the most expensive clothing in the known universe. In the live video feed when he talked to them, they sat at a table lit with candles, and they all drank wine, and ate food, and Brian and the women talked seductively to each other, whilst some of the women licked stamps seductively in front of him, and at his request they would say the words “I love to lick stamps Brian, especially first class ones, and if we were both together now, I would like to lick them and then place them on your forehead and also on mine, and then afterwards climb inside a cardboard box with you and wrap us both up in bubble wrap and kiss you all over and over and over again, and then post us both off to my mother, and upon arrival, ask her permission to marry you immediately.”
