Meet the delivery crew of the spaceship
Are We There Yet?
Four bored, broke, strange and surprisingly resilient space delivery drivers trying to survive the galaxy of Hooareu, strange robots, flesh-eating aliens, impossible boredom, cosmic snacks and the longest delivery job in the universe.
Determined, intense and dangerously enthusiastic
Brian
Brian is introduced as a serious, steely-eyed crew member whose intensity can overwhelm the room. Born in a giant test tube and implanted with an intelligence chip as a baby, he is strong, odd, grandiose and strangely heroic. He is the sort of man who once became so angry at a bicycle that he ate it piece by piece.
- Five foot eleven with steely eyes
- Born in a giant test tube
- Strong enough to lift the ship’s robot with one hand
- Dreams of love, glory and a better life beyond endless space delivery boredom
Calm, strange, snack-focused and full of terrible ideas
Cedric
Cedric is temporarily called Mary when the story begins, which is very much the sort of thing that happens aboard Are We There Yet? He is cool, calm and collected, owns fifty teddy bears, has been known to wrestle shopkeepers and often suggests solutions that somehow make space travel even more ridiculous.
- Normally called Cedric, briefly called Mary
- Cool, calm and collected
- Owner of fifty teddy bears
- Prone to chocolate-bar schemes, underpants dreams and cosmic confusion
Beautiful, wild, stylish and gloriously unpredictable
Salomina
Salomina is introduced as dark-haired, seductive, fashionable and completely unpredictable. She once accidentally seduced a sentient vacuum cleaner, deliberately ate a winning lottery ticket to protect the riches, and currently wears a fifteenth-century nun’s habit while causing chaos aboard the ship.
- Dark-haired and famously beautiful
- Wild, crazy and sharply funny
- Accidentally seduced a sentient vacuum cleaner
- Believes clean nostrils may be the answer to godliness
Telekinetic chaos magnet and space-travel survivor
Karen Toni Loretta Bobbi Erasmus
Karen has one of the strangest origin stories in the crew. After drinking Ucan as a baby, she discovered a burst of strange power and managed to levitate a holographic projector through a window and into an unfortunate cyclist. That terrifying accident helped spark her lifelong love of space travel.
- Full name: Karen Toni Loretta Bobbi Erasmus
- Developed strange levitation powers after drinking Ucan
- Started loving space travel after a very unusual childhood disaster
- Practical, sharp and usually ready when the ship is in danger
Tea-dodging, biscuit-blasting robotic cleaner of cosmic chaos
Gertrude the Robotic Elephant Cleaner
Gertrude is the robotic elephant cleaner aboard the strange world of Space 2047: a polished metal whirlwind of cleaning panic, floating crockery, biscuit storms and anti-space-spillage determination. She belongs perfectly beside the crew of Are We There Yet? because no spaceship full of boredom, crumbs, tea disasters and questionable hygiene could survive for long without a machine willing to charge through the mess with elephant-sized enthusiasm.
- Robotic elephant cleaner with a name badge that proudly reads Gertrude
- Built for cosmic cleaning emergencies, tea explosions and biscuit debris
- Carries the cheerful menace of a machine that believes every crumb is an enemy
- Adds extra robot comedy, household chaos and surreal cleaning energy to the crew page
Narrator, recorder and suspiciously ambitious digital presence
The Ship Software
The ship’s software records the drunken ramblings and doings of space travellers. It is not just a passive narrator: it has opinions, boredom, binary amusement and an alarming ambition to conquer the universe in order to prove human beings right about their own incompetence.
- Records the crew’s ramblings and disasters
- Acts as a sharp comic narrator
- Enjoys interfering with intergalactic signs
- May or may not want to conquer the universe
